It is with great joy that I face the task of signing and mailing Christmas cards, though it seems so late in this season of cheer.
The only symptoms I have of having finished my fifth chemo cycle are bouts of dizziness (from the low blood count) and sleeplessness. I lie awake at night thinking of what gift to give to so and so, when to meet so and so, and where to mail the card for so and so.
The doctor gave me a new medicine, something to protect my liver from further damage. My extremities feel somewhat numb, but I am not too bothered. It felt like this shortly after surgery, when the nerves were between feeling and not feeling. I’m supposed to take the lot for ten days and I believe everything will be back to normal in due time. I should finish in a week those five pills in the morning, one at noon and another five in the evening.
The children are so eager to have the last of my chemo treatments over and done with. They keep on reminding me how happy they are that December 30 (as marked on our home calendar) will be the last of my confinements in the hospital.
Dana is still coping with thoughts of death. I guess the fear of it is just too active in her consciousness, but she is talking and reaching out to us. Gino has been the brave big brother, although we know it has not been easy for him. He has been assuring us all of his love and devotion. =)
Expenses amounted to P65,404.22 for Chemo 5, P71,379.42 for Chemo 4, P61,617.68 for Chemo 3, P55,485 for Chemo 2 and P59,187.25 for Chemo 1. Including the advance payment of P41,911.42 for Chemo 6 medicine, total expenses for my treatment have reached P354,984.99.
I thank my college classmates for visiting me in PGH. It is so wonderful to have you stand by me. If I do not look weak, it is because you make me strong. Your friendship and love sustain me.
When I first faced the reality of cancer in my life, I was so afraid of the pain, especially the pain that would be suffered by my husband and children. I prayed for strength to face all the pain—physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.
I knew pain would end only at death, but it took me all the way to Chemo 2 before I could say I was ready. “Lord, I am ready to go where you please. Just please take care of my family. Your will be done.” And as soon as I could peacefully accept cancer and pain and death at any time, I began to live as I wanted to: bravely for myself and for my family.
I thank all of you who pray for me. You give me courage, strength and hope.
