Chemo-Round 2

On July 11, 2005, during the first PET scan to monitor treatment progress, new cancer lesions were found on my lymph nodes (neck, hip, groin) and left ribs. The medical oncologist declared my condition a Stage IV (meaning the cancer has spread from the original site [breast] to other locations) and recommended a new round of chemotherapy.

I went for a second opinion. The doc ordered more tests (MRI, CT scan) and the results are encouraging because the physical manifestations of the cancer lesions are hardly noticeable, which means they are only beginning or have not grown enough to produce a big physical lump. Nonetheless, this second doc also recommends chemotherapy due to my medical history (advanced stage breast cancer involving lymph nodes, blood vessels and muscle of the breast).

I went for a third opinion and again this doctor recommended chemotherapy, but the oral type, because my veins have not sufficiently recovered from the six cycles I had last year. Hopefully, this approach will allow me to continue as many of my day-to-day activities as I can (work, school, family life, exercise, social commitments).

I must admit that the prospect of a new round of chemotherapy terrified me but I decided I would go through it all again gladly for the sake of my children. I pray only to be brave.

I know God is in control, but it is so tempting to be weak and ungrateful. I have to believe that I also deserve to live life fully...and that God wants me to live fully, too.

Though I know in my heart that I am ready to die any moment I am called, I am also ready to live battling cancer, if that be God's will. It's just so hard to understand where He is leading me, where He wants me to go.

Steve Jobs says you can only connect the dots in hindsight. I trust one day I will have that chance to connect the dots in my life and say "AHA"! Meanwhile, I trust in God's infinite grace and mercy.

I begin six cycles of oral chemotherapy this week. The schedule is for me to take the medicine for two weeks (four tablets in the morning, four at night) and then be off the medicine for one week. That’s one cycle. And then I repeat until the sixth.

I thank God for all my donors. I am confident that the funds I have received and continue to receive will sustain my treatments until the battle is won. 

I thank God for the additional financial help recently given by my boss and by my fellow survivors, cancer-stricken sisters who feel for me so deeply that they continually reach out to help though they themselves are in treatment or have barely escaped death themselves. Experiencing such love and caring would make any life worth living.

Thank you for your steadfast support and your unwavering love.