Home from Chemo 3

Where do you go when you’re somewhere between feeling rotten and feeling miserable? And your primary caregiver, who has barely had any sleep, still has to go to work to keep the world somehow in balance?

It’s probably the coughing and runny nose that made it worse. Chemo 3 should have gone the way of Chemo 2. Most side effects were under control—nausea, constipation, general malaise, that feeling of weakness in the arms and legs. I actually thought I could go back to work in three days!

But my chest and back have been aching from all the coughing. And the metallic taste in my mouth has come on stronger, making food tasteless and un-appetizing. I just have to claim God’s mighty blessing, a double portion of strength for the journey that remains.

I’ve been gulping apple-and-carrot shakes, Ensure and papaya or melon shakes. Meanwhile, the kids seem to be happy to go back to school after a week-long semestral break. I figure I have tortured them enough. =)

All I’ve done really is S-L-E-E-P…the faster to regenerate those healthy cells of mine affected by the treatment. The doctor told me the main causes of collapsing veins in chemo patients are dehydration and anxiety. Hence, with three more cycles to go, I am taking in more liquid and relaxing as best as I can. I need lots of water and rest, and please, no stress.

I was in Boracay for my 36th birthday on a non-exchangeable, non-transferrable holiday. Watching the children swim for hours made me feel like cancer was suddenly sucked out of my system, and we had no cares whatsoever in the world. Indeed, God’s miracles abound! In the midst of the driest of chemo experiences, I have my fun-filled, sun-kissed Boracay vacation to remember.

It is truly a great blessing to be now half-way of six recommended chemo cycles. The resources given to me to reach this milestone are a continuous source of joy and celebration for my family. The richness of the love and affection I receive from all over gives me the needed boost to fight constantly threatening depression and anxiety. 

Expenses have amounted to P61,344.26 for Chemo 3, P55,485 for Chemo 2 and P59,187.25 for Chemo 1. The expenses for the three chemo cycles total P176,016.51. 

To my donors, your goodness sustains me and I live because you have chosen to give me life. Who can stay ill in the face of such goodness? You make me want to breathe, eat, get out of bed, hug my children, be somebody other than a whining patient. 

You have the exact same effect on me as my daughter Dana has. She sees me in a house dress known in these parts as ‘daster’—an unglamorous if humongous combination of curtain, table cloth and bed sheet purporting to be women’s clothing—then whispers softly in my ear, “Ma, nice dress,” complete with the sweetest smile known to man. I am ecstatic, and absolutely healed! =)

Your love transforms me daily. I pray to bear you all good fruit.